Christmas is humbug and religion is the root of all evil. However, due to the sad fact that Christmas may very well be the only time of the year where people actually feel compelled to cast forth a modicum of kindness and compassion, I relay to you this little piece:
In hopes that Christianity and the rest of its ilk will devour itself, I wish everyone a happy new year.
Cheers.
I am not entirely sure that he can or should. Space Invaders was a great game during its time of reign. So was Superman. Today, people wouldn’t even touch Space Invaders even as a cellphone game. Yet, regardless of age, era or weather conditions, people still worship our spandexed, cape dragging super hero who doesn’t even have the humility to remove that big fat S from his rather goofy looking costume.
Let’s have a brief and very abridged look at Superman and his history. Early versions depict him as great depression savior, fighting crime that was relevant to the period that Superman was drawn in. The character was exaggerated which most likely fit the times during which he was created. Superman was and is perfect. He is hansom, he has no character flaws, he is invulnerable and has a wide range of powers that could only spring from the minds of people who needed something outrageously heroic and superhuman. Something awesome enough, not even reason would prevent them from creating something that was so flawless it couldn’t possibly relate to anything remotely human.
Let’s skip on the issue of Superman being a purely religiously inspired character and the fact that his mere name sparked heavy debate on two ends. Not only is Kal-El Talmudic or biblical Hebrew and freely translates into “Vessel of God”, the name Superman by itself lets Nietzsche enthusiasts grimace in discomfort. Whether this all results in a badly named character should stay open for debate. Not here, though. The name is horrible. It reeks of talentless, unimaginative drivel that is aimed to amaze instead of provoke. Provocation is what gets our minds going while dumbfounded amazement paralyzes.
Nietzsche envisioned the Übermensch (Superman) as a man who had transcended the limitations of society, religion, and conventional morality while still being fundamentally human. Superman, although an alien gifted with incredible powers, chooses to honor human moral codes and social mores. Nietzsche envisioned the perfect man as being beyond moral codes; Siegel and Shuster envisioned the perfect man as holding himself to a higher standard of adherence to them. - Lawrence, John Shelton (March 2006). “Book Reviews: The Gospel According to Superheroes: Religion and Popular Culture
So why name him that way? Why oh why, dear cape waving supporters of religiously inspired conquest and creators of Good vs. Evil, AKA the thieves and plagiarizers of ancient Egyptian religion?
The answer is simple: Superman embodies the American Spirit. Forget analogies to the Golem of ancient times that came to save and protect the Jews of 16th century Prague. Visit the Wikipedia article to see with your own eyes how many analogies are attributed to this character. All drivel. Superman embodies Judaeo-Christian moral values and acts upon them to fight what is obviously Evil. In Superman’s world there is only the Good versus the Bad. The constant struggle with the forces of Evil. And in comes Superman to save the day. And he always wins. He never loses. Spare me the details of what happened to him at certain points of all the convoluted, clusterfucked, million time retconned and rewritten, refined and politically correctness adjusted stories. In the end, Superman pwnzorz the evil Terrori… err guys.
Well, shouldn’t it be that way? Good shall prevail over Evil. The Light shall conquer the Dark. That’s how we want to see our world in the future. Superman kicks their butt and they learned their lesson. Thats why we create superheroes, afterall. That is their single purpose. Let me tell you, that is some mighty big crock of shit. We live in times where our ”elected” leaders are busy forming a One World Government, where outdated, stolen and beautifully packaged Judaeo-Christian values are shoved down our throats in order to justify the next big, lucrative war. We live in a world where RFID chips will record how soft your feces are on any given morning and where a pea-brained douchebag in a suit is allowed to rule the biggest and most terrifying super power in the world. In the name of the Lord their savior, of course. How can Superman still be the greatest hero of all times when that is the world you live in?
Superman is the posterboy for a shiny, happy future where all the wrongs are purged by the iron fist of the hansom savior. Superman is like Ronald McDonald - Feeding you shit and still smiling. While a rotten pack of chicken nuggets will quickly tell me that something is awry, Superman does not make it that easy on me. Superman is flawless. Only some Kryptonite can hurt him. Of course thats pretty rare stuff. So, you know, just forget about it. Thats just used to make Superman a deeper character. I laugh.
A good character has flaws. Flaws can add depth and humanity to the characters in a narrative. But how does Kryptonite add depth and humanity to Superman? You call that a flaw? That’s laughable. Superman is so clean, so perfect, so flawless, the world should be scared of him. Nevertheless, the world still loves this guy. Well, at least those that watch Fox News and believe that the US is fighting a righteous war against the forces of evil. Hmm, but liberals can love Superman, too. Perhaps Ron Paul does, too. Yes. Nobody is perfect.
What does my ranting come down to in the end? Superman sucks. He doesn’t fit into today’s time. A hero isn’t perfect. A hero is conflicting. A hero stands alone by himself, overcoming his flaws in honest self sacrifice and serves only the greater interest. A character like Superman, who so closely resembles the false and mass controlling values of our leader’s world can’t possibly be today’s representative of Superheroes. It’s those twisted and bigotten values that are causing all our troubles. Self-empowerment is obsolete with him. Superman and Karl Rove will take care of the bad guys. I am sure Karl would look great in speedos and a gimp mask. Perhaps they can add a threat level display to Superman’s cape?
Let me introduce someone to you who would do a much better job at heroism:
Fuckwit is a mentally retarded version of Superman in the Wanted series.
Fuckwit was part of an experiment to create the perfect superman. His body was a success, he has amazing powers; his mind however leaves something to be desired. He’s like a little puppy, friendly, loyal and loves you more than anything, but he’s so dumb that he’d try to shake your hand and accidently rip it off, then go along like nothing happened. What if the most powerful man in the universe had brain damage? He’d be a Fuckwit, wouldn’t he?
Not sure what to say about this one except that it very innovative and I truly enjoyed watching the entire thing. Give it a bit to get going and you’ll see how dexterous he/she(?) is.
Apparently it wasn’t fast enough so she made another one with the same song but at twice the speed. Watch it here.
I always had some issues with the way that super heroes are developed by writers and graphic artists. No matter what time period, no matter what universe and no matter how young-blooded the artist - each one of these super heroes always turns out to be surprisingly low-tech and computer inept. While there are a few exceptions such as Tony Stark or Peter Parker, most of them don’t even have iPhones, yet! And when Tony Stark invents something, it will never feature anything that remotely resembles reality.
To the rescue comes MoBo Man.
The motherboard on his chest protects him from pretty much any virus, deflects dangerous silicon bullets and the embedded cooling fan can propell him high up into the sky. The CD arrangement on his back protects him from dangerous laser beams and can reflect them back at his enemies. The two speakers mounted to each side of his hips, can produce lethal infrasound waves that can paralize enemies or even burst internal organs. The floppy drive, conveniently placed over his croch, is made of an indestructible titanium alloy, protecting his jewels at all times. In case of emergency, the drive can shoot laser sharpened discs. Lastly, he wears a helmet that not only protects him from bird droppings in all situations, but it also deflects the mind controlling rays of the government. The aluminum inlay is on the inside.
