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Monday morning and I am at work - procrastinating as always. I stumble around the web and do my best to avoid having to deal with daily metrics at work. I succeed at this for quite some time until I find this:

Click to view larger image

This pissed me off.

I will approach this flow chart systematically by listing points on PC gaming and points on console gaming. In the end we’ll see how this correlates to “liking video games”.

PC Gaming

Dell XPS Series

Machine in use: Dell XPS series gaming computer (I never treated a computer as caringly as this one)

Points on PC Gaming:

• Sit at a desk using more or less comfortable office chair.
• Screen size limited to what fits on a regular office desk.
• Limited to a few variations on sitting positions because of mouse handling.
• Mouse and Keyboard controls give superior reaction speed in FPS games.
• Problematic game installations due to hardware incompatibility.
• Reduced quality due to need to upgrade hardware (every 6 months)
• PunkBuster kicks me offline constantly. Reinstall, mess with ports. Rinse repeat.
• VOIP causing trouble. 2 hour delay on a constant basis before all the guys could play together.
• Given a certain lack of moral values, PC games can be very cheap to come by.
• Game crashes and other OS based interruptions are common depending on software and hardware of given system.
• A lot of PC games allow for user generated content.
• The PC gaming industry is suffering from significant release/update delays in comparison to consoles. This is rumored to be related to ease of use of respective development platforms and tools.
• Gaming experience varies from gamer to gamer depending on his financial situation and ability to upgrade/purchase sufficient hardware.
• PC gaming tends to be a solo experience unless LAN parties can be organized. Online friends do not count and currently you can’t really play a game with a friend by hooking up a second mouse and keyboard to the same computer.
• PC gaming is sometimes tedious to get into. Sit down. Start computer. Wait for Windoze. Install game. Download updates for hours (World of Warcraft WTF?). Start game. Configure ports. Start game again. et cetera.

Console Gaming

Xbox 360

Machine in use: Xbox 360 (HDMI)

Points on console gaming:

• Sit in living room, on couch, very comfortable.
• Screen size limited to the size of LCD/Plasma TV I can afford (currently 37 inch).
• Possible to play in prone, sitting or any other position.
• Console controller gives slower reaction in FPS compared to Mouse and Keyboard
• No installation required.
• Top quality of game performance out of the  box.
• No upgrades neccessary.
• No game interruptions due to security software or other filtering processes
• No communication issues with gaming partners
• Console games are expensive. Immoral cheap option possible, but complex to implement
• Console games rarely allow for user generated content, save for Halo 3 to a limited extent.
• Console gaming industry apparently enjoys higher priority on release and update frequency.
• Gaming experience the same for everyone in terms of quality.
• Console gaming can be and often is a very social event in which real people in your immediate vicinity can participate.
• Console gaming is quick to get into. Sit down. Push button. Play game.

First thoughts

Both systems have their ups and downs and often it will come down to whether you absolutely need a mouse to play a game or whether you can adapt to change and learn how to use a console controller properly.

Both systems can offer very cheap (or free) alternatives to acquire games but require jumping a few moral hurdles.

Pricey investments

Computers tend to require a lot more financial investment to keep newer games from running on lower performance levels. Currently consoles still offer the cheaper solution by incorporating GPUs that make pretty much every game a high quality experience for quite some time to come. This will not be the case forever but most people would rather buy a new console after a few years and live in peace for the next few years than having to upgrade their PC once to twice a year. Remember that not always a new graphics card will suffice for your PC. Next is RAM, then a new CPU and perhaps that will also require a new motherboard. Anyone who denies this to be a fact, is lying. It happens. And at least twice a year I hear the same question in the office “New game? Can my graphics card do it?”. However, if you have the money you can keep on upgrading your computer ad nauseam. I have spent 4000 USD on my PC when I first bought it. In under a year it was already unable to perform along with the newest games. At least not the way I wanted it - on the highest graphics settings. This irked me.

In the end it is all down to preference. No system really rules over the other. There are pros and cons to both sides. So now that we have gotten the physical and circumstantial issues out of the way, let us focus on the actual presumption of the above flow chart.

How does my social involvement with other people define which console system best suits me? How does a PS3 only apply to people without friends? How do internet friends only apply to Xbox 360 users? No matter which way I try to twist the possible explanation, it all makes very little sense. Does it all correlate to the rather underdeveloped online community functions of PSN? Does it have to do with the “Friends List” on Xbox Live which, by the way, hardly influences with whom I can play on Xbox Live. Does it have to do with the Wii remote control? The chart makes no sense at all. But all this is just nitpicking at an already flawed idea.  I may be reading way too deep into the sincerity of the flow chart. It’s just a joke, right? Perhaps it is.

We can therefore leave that entire part of the flow chart behind us and focus on the actual idiocy of the image:

Do you like video games? Yes? Then go for a PC.

Look at the points on PC gaming again and let me know how any of that should qualify a love for video gaming. The author of the chart effectively says that if you love video games, then you also love mice and keyboards, you like to sit at a desk, you hate big screens, you love to spend a lot of money on upgrading your computer, you love to troubleshoot your system instead of playing the game and enjoy waiting longer for releases. If you go “WOOT!” over all of this, THEN you are a video game enthusiast.

Wouldn’t someone who loves video games just want to play video games? Isn’t that precisely what consoles are made for?

I can’t believe I actually wrote a huge rant about an obviously silly chart as this.

I’ve been engaged for a while, now. And when I updated my Facebook account then, I also changed my relationship status. Today I decided to remove my relationship status on Facebook. The sole reason for that decision was the constant sidebar advertisements and mysteriously relayed emails I received regarding wedding planning and engagement gift suggestions. Most irritating, I thought, and thus I simply removed my relationship status from my public profile.

When I clicked on the save button, I didn’t know yet what was to bullrush me by surprise later that day. So I’m sitting at work, procrastinating (sshhh!) and going about my daily routine, when my cell phone rings.

It’s my fiance and the conversation goes something like this:

Her: What have you done to your facebook account?

Me: What do you mean?

Her: I’m getting messages and calls from people asking if we broke up.

Me: What?

Her: Shani just called me and told me that you removed your Engaged from your Facebook profile!

Me: So what? It was annoying.

Her: Put it back!

*grumble*

Me: Fine!

A minute later my profile shows the old data again. I thought it would all be dealt with then but no. Everyone in the office pays me a visit, one after the other, wondering about my fluctuating marital status. Great.

Facebook should be banned from the workplace.

Not only do people keep tabs on your life just because they have nothing better to do, no they also tend to start silly wildfires of outrage over your profile information. The next grand idea will be to store our Facebook data and all changes we make to it on an RFID chip and implant it under our skin.

Imagine you’re sitting in a coffee shop, enjoying one of many different coffee types with silly names. All of a sudden some dude walks up behind you and says

“Hey man. Fuck you. Crocks don’t suck!”

The guy saw which groups you joined because his neat little Facebook Pager (TM) told him so.

Wouldn’t that be the ultimate satisfaction for all you facebook whores out there?

Choke on your F5 key, please.

(comic strip selfishly hotlinked from xkcd.com)

A few weeks ago my cellphone was stolen from my office. The drama! The panic!

In 2007 the total number in mobile phone subscriptions around the world was 3.3 billion. That is half the population of planet Earth. At least the somewhat human part of it.

On the day my phone was stolen, there was one subscription less in the world and I didn’t know what to do. All my client’s numbers were on there and I never bothered to synchronize my SIM card with my laptop. Additionally, I had an extra memory chip, lots of neat music and an awesome photo collection of pure nonsense stored in this little baby.

I really liked that phone. While I had it I called people with video conferencing, checked my gmail inbox, recorded voice memos, played with the annoying camera lense cap, downloaded the most awesome versions of Block Breaker and Solitaire. And then it was just gone.

The first thing that you will notice after your phone has been stolen is how all of a sudden, IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.

• It’s your fault your mother/girlfriend/wife couldn’t reach you.
• It’s your fault you bought an expensive phone.
• It’s your fault you left the phone in your private, secluded, supposedly safe office room.
• It’s your fault you didn’t call back whomever left that voice message on your phone earlier that day.
• And it’s also your fault that now you’re without a phone for a while.

Once you get over all that, revelation sets in and you slowly start to remember how life was like a long time ago before everyone had cell phones.

Friends visited us more often

Before there were mobile phones, people just came over to my house, knocked on the door and we hung out together. If I wasn’t home, they’d leave a note at the door and when I received it I’d simply head over to the location they said they’d be at. And guess what, they’d really be there.

We committed more to the things we promised

Today, we make a million promises on a daily basis. “Yeah, man. Let’s totally do this next weekend. We have to hang out, for sure”. Weekend comes and your phone rings. No worries. No need to commit. Clog the nose, cough once into the speaker briefly after picking up and claim sickness. Or simply don’t pick up the phone. You can always claim that you never received the call and that you were waiting all day for his or her call. What a shame that you could not meet this weekend. Again.

Remember how it was before the mobile revolution? Excuses like that didn’t work. If I didn’t show up, I’d look like a rather unreliable friend. However, thoughts of not showing up never would have occurred to me back then. If we made plans, we’d set our minds on it and plan ahead all week. When the time came, we jumped on our bikes and drove an hour to the lake. Beer and hamburgers galore.

We talked more to people. Real people

SMS. ‘Nuff said.

Silence

I can be reached everywhere, now. Toilet, Bath, Beach, Restaurant, Bed, Supermarket, Bar, Car, EVEN WHILE I’M PLAYING ON MY XBOX! “Hey, Cytizen. Just turn off your phone.” Yeah. Right. Ever heard of voice mail? And don’t get me started on all these obnoxious ring tones and people who speak loud enough for the whole bus to listen in on their conversation. Have I mentioned how annoying push-to-talk is?

We actually had something to talk about

Before I was able to share my diatribes instantly with anyone I had in my phone memory, I actually looked forward to meeting people just so that I could tell them about my most recent misadventures. It would make for hours of pure entertainment at the bar or at a friend’s house. Nowadays, we just regurgitate the same things we already told each other last week via SMS. We just add more words to it.

I may be exaggerating a bit, but you have to admit that life was just a little bit more interesting before we went fully mobile. I do acknowledge that being able to dial 911 from just about anywhere is a big advantage. Emergency situations are far less threatening when you have a cell phone ready to call for back up. From a social perspective, however, cell phones just ruined it all.

I like whiskey.

While for the most part, I tend to have a well brewed beer, the truly enjoyable experience lies with whiskey. What irks me most often, however, is the way how whiskey is commonly consumed by the average bar fly. The bad part in all this is that I am guilty of this as well. I take shots, I drink carelessly and more often than not I use perfectly good whiskey in combination with other things such as lime juice, ice and sugar. Once in a blue moon, however, I do remember how whiskey is supposed to be enjoyed. In an attemp to recondition myself and other people who may not even know how whiskey is supposed to be had, I went on a quest to find the perfect guide on whiskey drinking.

And I found it at Everything2.com

How to drink whiskey (by Scriblerus @ Everything2.com)

Or: Dinna Call it Scotch, Ye Li’l Bastard

According to Stuart Nichol, owner and proprietor of the Farr Cottage in Corpach, Scotland, a shotglass’s throw away from the beautiful Ben Nevis, there is a very precise way to drink what people who don’t know better (myself included) typically refer to as Scotch. I shall try and recreate the high points of his lecture, given over free samples of the stuff during my stay at his domicile, some years ago.

The following come under the category of ‘shite, ye wee girl’:

• All blended whisky
• All people who drink blended whisky
• Drinking whisky on ice
• People who call ice ‘on the rocks‘

This list went on, but had increasingly less to do with whisky as it progressed. And now–

The Four Parts of Drinking Whisky

Yes, there are four parts, though most people (’fuckin’ barbarians’) don’t follow them. Before you start, you should know that in order to have a proper glass of whisky–that’s single malt, of course–it must be mixed with ‘ezactly the same amount ‘o water–pure, Scottish water, preferably.’ This releases the full flavor of the whisky. If Scottish water is unavailable, you may substitute some form of bottled water. Tap water will add unnecessary contaminants that we li’l bastards probly canna taste, but will have a detrimental effect on the whisky. Consequently, whisky is not meant to be ‘shot,’ and anyone who shoots it, is. You may now begin.

1. The Nose-this is when you stick your nose over the glass and really take a deep whiff of what you’re drinking. It’s supposed to light up your senses and prepare them. A good drinker–not a frequent drinker, they’re not the same–can sniff out a good whisky at several paces.
2. The Body–This is the appearance of the whisky. It should be amber or dark honey-colored, and have no inconsistencies or defects. Just a pure field of booze. Please bear in mind, at this point you have been here for four minutes and have not yet tasted the whisky.
3. The Palate–Things have gotten serious now between you and your whisky. You have decided to take the next step, which is putting it in your mouth. Get a mouthful, but leave room for swishing. Stuart treated it like some kind of orgiastic Listerine, really moving it around for a a full thirty seconds. The object–to have whisky coat every surface of your oral cavity.
4. The Finish–You are now ready to commit to your whisky by swallowing. Warmed up by the heat of your mouth, the full flavor of the whisky has been brought forth, and will slide down your throat with ease and comfort.

Obviously, this process may be repeated ad nauseam, frequently is, and certainly was on that night. The system does tend to break down during the course of an evening, but it is–according to Stuart–the right Scottish way to get started.

I may add that you don’t have to use equal parts of water. You may just as well try going with a very small amount of water and work your way up until you are satisfied with a good balance of flavors. All you have to watch out for is the bad ones - the abominable step children of whiskey. Speysides such as Glen Parker and Glenfiddich Special Reserve. There may be others ( I think I saw them on Everything2.com) but I can’t speak about those since I have never tasted them.

Do you play an MMO?

I do. Multiplayer environments, however, didn’t just start with games like Ultima Online and weren’t always about the flamboyant graphics, sounds and money draining schemes of today. World of Warcraft, Tabula Rasa, EverQuest, Age of Conan or City of Heroes/Villains were still far away on the gaming horizon in 1996.

What is an MMO?

Massively multiplayer online game (also called MMOG or simply MMO) is a video game which is capable of supporting hundreds or thousands of players simultaneously. By necessity, they are played on the Internet, and feature at least one persistent world. They are, however, not neccesarily computer games; most of the new game consoles can access the internet, and thus can have MMO genre games.

MMOGs can enable players to cooperate and compete with each other on a grand scale, and sometimes to interact meaningfully with people around the world. They include a variety of gameplay types, representing many video game genres. Many MMOGs require players to invest large amounts of their time into the game. Most MMOGs require a monthly subscription fee, but some can be played for free. (For the rest of this Wikipedia article, click here)

As with any social environment, MMOs have always been plagued by the same issues and one may argue that after 17 years of online multiplayer gaming these issues would have been resolved and a solution was found. One would err if one were to think that.

Common issues with MMOs are:

• Game balance
• Socially acceptable interaction between players in anonymity
• Game rules enforcement
• Usability
• Long term entertainment value
• Separation between the game and personal life

Visit any forum of a popular MMO these days and have a look through the threads. All of the above issues are constant topics which never seize to find fuel for further discussion. The consensus on all of these topics sounds in canon:

Plz [insert evil megacorp that eats the souls of players for breakfast], fix it! Don’t you have compatant?! We pay for playing! It our rite! U r responsable!

What few realize is that fixing any of the above must be the biggest challenge in the gaming industry. Psst! I’ll let you in on a secret. These aren’t new issues. They’ve been around for as long as there have been MMOs.

What players have to realize is that most of the issues are not due to the game, the developers, the producing company or the local admins. The problem is people themselves. As the recently, so eloquently stated, saying goes:

People + Internet + Audience + Anonymity = Total Fuckwad!

This translates into every aspect of the game ranging from how people interact with one another, how they choose to play the game and how they handle defeat and victory according to their personal character traits. You can’t fix that in a game. Then again, you can’t really fix people, either.

Just have a look at the link below. It leads to a mailing list archive that dates back to 1996. I used to play on one of these MU*s (Multi User / Same as MMO) back then. Have a look at some of the topics in the archives of 1996. Quarter 4 is as good a place to start as any. Some of these are interesting reads, ranging from “how to play the game properly” to “this kid with cancer sent me a hatemail because I shut down the server for neccessary maintenance”. Remember, 1996. Not 2008.

http://www.disinterest.org/resource/MUD-Dev/