Christmas is humbug and religion is the root of all evil. However, due to the sad fact that Christmas may very well be the only time of the year where people actually feel compelled to cast forth a modicum of kindness and compassion, I relay to you this little piece:
In hopes that Christianity and the rest of its ilk will devour itself, I wish everyone a happy new year.
Cheers.
Alright, alright. Please, calm down. Save the excitement for later. DC Comics were never my favorite publisher and most of their stories are, until today, dated in style and fit perfectly into the 60’s mindset of heroes and villains. Save for Vertigo most of DC’s accomplishments are just cheesy and clusterfucked products. I know that some DC fans may demand extrapolation at this point.
“Cytizen! Explain yourself! This be blasphemous and sheer slander.” upong which I would answer “Nay! Screw you!”
All I have to say in my defense is that Robin sucked and Superman shouldn’t be wearing spandex in this most horrible blue/red/yellow combination. And please note that in Watchmen they give a very clear and convincing example of why super heroes should not wear capes. You might get stuck somewhere and end up shot because you couldn’t get away. Notice how Superman’s cape rarely ever gets damaged? A cape that strong … man if that gets stuck somewhere, Superman’s in real trouble. Oh wait … DC made a hero that’s invincible and god-like and survives every attemp on his life - even when dropping a Kryptonite bomb on his silly, waxed and shiny hair.
I admit that Hollywood has been working hard to make Batman look as dark and foreboding as they possibly could in the last installment of the movie. And I also admit that Tim Burton did a respectable job in the first Batman movie. I will not argue against it. Afterall I really respect Christian Bale as an actor and who didn’t like Jack Nicholson as the Joker back in 1989? What happened in between those two movies, though? Every single Batman movie made between the first one and Batman Begins was an absolute disaster. I am sure fans of Batman will agree. I have some bad news, though.
Those horrible, horrible movies made with Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze or Jim Carrey as the Riddler? Those movies represented the old Batman comics best. Cheesy and obnoxious. Very american. And don’t even get me started on Robin. Did you ever want to see a super hero who keeps a gimp as a sidekick? Well, there you have it. Robin is the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Batman probably had enough of him after some time and kicked him out on the streets. The only one sick or kind enough to employ him was Quentin Tarrantino. When he saw how lame Robin really was, he plaved a zipper over his Zorro mask, stuffed a red ball in his mouth and locked him inside a box.
Enough of the ranting, though. Let me get to one character, besides the awesome Joker who is in close competition with Marvel’s Kingpin for most ridiculously awesome super villain, who truely rocks my socks. Harvey Dent - AKA Two-Face.
Please, forget Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face from Batman Forever. That was just pathetic. Read the linked Wikipedia article on Two-Face and let’s all hope that he’ll be well implemented in the upcoming Dark Knight movie. I want to see that scratched coin flip. I want to see a believable super villain that makes me feel the dual nature of his personality. I want to see the apparent conflict between the law abiding man of justice and the bitter, distorted villain.
So what is it that I want from the upcoming movie?
I want an even darker Batman than the one from Batman Begins. I want a believable Joker, though I wish they had tried to get Jack Nicholson back for the role. I want a mean, nasty and yet totally unfunny Two-Face. And I want a movie that is so far removed from the previous ones that nobody will even consider the option that Batman was ever part of the Justice League.
Justice League, you ask? Whats wrong with it, you ask?
That.
